Battle of the Bands 2008

Finally i took the time (and courage) to post this video up!

This is the video taken during Youth '08 battle of the bands event.

Obviously my band were eliminated during the preliminary round. But i can say that this is the best performance experience (so far) i had! The crowds were great and the atmosphere was good too! Of course, the judges are not interesting and my voice are shaky during first few minutes.. (nervous + register problems perhaps) and thanks Stif for going to vocal amps while my voice is the most shaky -_-"

Indeed i got lots of good comments, from my friends that went there to support me that day, from some members of other bands, and some new friends, even an uncle who sell T-shirt on the 3rd floor came down and said that i performed well.. Of course those comments really made my day~ But the most important thing is...

I took the courage to go for the competition!

Although i didn't get anything, but its a great experience and i got new fans! i guess.. hehehe... and this video gonna be one of my memory...

Because i am going to quit band very soon... but will definitely produce our 1st EP first! ^^

Enjoy!

what the F***??

Wow...

It's really amazing that i actually made 3 person made in a single night.. within 3 hours...

First is by an ang mou dunno who... scold us like nobody's business... this is like the first time we were scolded in public restaurant during a fren's bday!! amazing...

Later, my bf scold me for accusing him for ntg... i also dunno what to say (i am paranoid already ... confirm*)

Then there's this strange guy accuse me for not having any sense of humour~

What a confusing night @_@

Still have to continue my Chuck Berry and Little Richard paper...

Even more confusing!! Rock and roll or classic rock??! *shit*

Another morning...

I woke up this morning... Hoping for a better day...

Yes, i did.

But the pain roused back at me.. painfully reminds me what had happen... telling me that I lost someone i treasured so much.

Everything ain't the same anymore. The smile, the laughter, the promises....
They are just a tool for me to cover up my misery...
But they cannot do anything to heal my wound.

My wound will always be bleeding..
THe memory will haunt me always...
The pain will still remains..

And yet, i feel so numb...
Naively thinking that all these are dreams..

Shld i talk to that girl?
Shld i pretend nothing happen?
Shld i believe in what he told me?
Shld i just walk out and never turn back?
Shld i be torturing myself?
Shld i make my revenge?
Shld i show him how painful it is?

Shld i bleed?

I dunno.... I just need a hug... and lots of answers. Sincere and true answers..

My soul was murdered...

18/2/2008... I saw something that made my heart skipped a beat... something that will haunt me forever... something that cruelly sliced my soul apart... leaving it astray and waiting to be decomposed...

All the while i thought i will only see this kind of incident from TV shows... or even from some of my frens, i suppose... never did i expect, or dream that such thing will happen to me. 

The feeling is like, bounding my hands with metal ropes filled with torn, letting it sunk deep into my skin and let the blood ooze out little by little.. all i can do is wait for all the blood to run dry... nobody can hear my scream, or my pain.. and eventually, i will die.

Later, the feeling will spread to my whole body, run thru my veins an blood vessels, affecting my immune system and slow down my heart beat. I can feel nothing. All i know is i am floating, to no where. Now i cant feel my hands anymore. They are not part of my body already. I'm standing alone.. All alone in a place that i am familiar with.

All the promises turn to ashes, and they will disappear when the wind blows hard.. So hard that i cant even open my eyes. Or i choose not to open my eyes. Refused to accept the fact that i was hurt, so badly, refuse to forgive. But my heart is still reaching out, trying its best to move till the last seconds, vow to continue till the very end. Its definitely painful, exhausting and heartbreaking.. But, love overwhelmed mistakes, and forgiveness soon took its part.

The person i love the most just torn my soul apart. No matter how hard u try to sew it back, the scar will be forever visible.

Pls let me feel better....

I dunno what is wrong with me lately...

I feel restless, I feel dizzy, I feel high, I feel anxious, and I feel tired altogether...

Sigh... and most importantly, I am very emotional... After so long...

There're so many things that i want to tell but right now all the words left me and i cant even describe how i feel... So pathetic...

I need hug... long, tight hug....

To prevent me from falling apart...

And i miss you so much.................. T.T

Heart? Brain?

It's been a while i write something like this... the feeling came back to me again... words just keep flowing in my head and it's so unbearable and i must write it down to ease the uneasiness...

But i never write in such early time in a day..

Well, what is wrong with me you ask?
Hmm... let's just say that the other part of my body doesn't want to listen to me anymore..

Confused??

Let's put it this way:
Normally i don't really believe (although some part of me do, if not i wont write like this) that human can think in two ways, or communicate within themselve in two ways..

One is by using the brain, the other is using the heart.

But i do now.

Yes, my heart and my brain has conflict ideas now...

I'm not lost. Although everytime i appear to be, or even say i am lost. I know what i am thinking and what i should do.

The reason why i say i am lost is just an excuse not to think or consider what the other part of me is trying to say. Because my brain ask me to act rationally and do not do something that will make me regret.

However... it gets harder to bear.. my hands are holding a precious gem that everyone else envy and i am proud of, and i know i will never ever let go...

But somehow my eyes start to glance other side of the world.

Sigh...

I hate myself when i do things like that. I feel so vulnerable, so.... like the old me.

That's why this time i rather hurt myself than hurt other people...
Because by feeling that way i will able to wake myself up, and focus more on things that is more important.

Because i will always follow what my brain says........... for now.

deep thoughts?

How u every wonder, as u grow older, the people around you seems to be lesser and lesser...
I started to get this feeling lately.. However, it doesn't really bugs me too much...

Because i get to see through people around me clearer.. and also i've learn a great lesson...

You see, some people who you think you know them so well, for so long.. can turn out to be strangers out of a sudden... you thought you gave them your whole-hearted friendship and inevitably you thought you deserved something in return. Sometimes things ain't that cool... And that's something I learn, as a lesson. I used to clingue on something so hard, i felt myself drowning inside the deep hollow hole inside me. Sometimes the emotion grew so strong i found myself weep for nothing. Someone came over and told me that it's not worth my tears, they don't worth my tears. But the little concious inside just keep asking me to try, I can make a difference! Well... things ain't as easy as I thought.

The other day, another person came by and ask me to treasure those who have been doing so much for me, and I've simply choose to ignore their effort and still hang on to those people who are hopeless like an idiot -_- ya, i'm an idiot to have realize this after so long.. There are people who thought of me whenever something crops up, cares about me when I was sick, gives me encourangement when i have exams or performances, and most importantly - willing to CRY and laugh with me, and share every bits of my life. Honestly, since i started studying in UCSI, there's only 1 person who treated me this way, as far as i can thought of (of course in Taylor's i have baboon darling~! hehe muckas~ and Stefie also when i was in my hometown ^^) But i found out she changed a lot.. she's not the old her again, but still~ I understand that people do change. Although i still prefer the 'old' her when i just got to know her, she's still someone important to me, and someone who treated me full-hearted since i knew her. I feel guilty for not appreciating her for a moment, due to the changes in her attitude (not entirely my fault also!)
Well, the person I am talking bout is - Kong Su Mei. (touch not? finally the sentimental post u've been waiting for is finally here.. haha)

Besides, I've made some unexpected ties of friendship with some people who I never thought i will be so close with. I feel that, as long as you can use you heart to see people around you, you might find them very interesting...

Well, i guess this is some life up and downs I must go through. And remember this, I don't give a shit if you don't appreciated what I've done! It's your mistake to lose a friend like me!
*lift head high and walk away*

It really hurts so much...

It just hurts so much when the person you love and care the most do not regard you importance of existance in their life.

This is so unfair.

And i most certainly hate to see her cries. :(

Wat was i thinking?

This semester has been a hell to me..

Piano Literature is the main culprit.
School hours has been prolonged and everything just jumbled up like nobody's business...

I've been extremely depressed since the school starts... so many things happened i feels like i am involved in a movie, watching myself stumbled against life...

Most of it is because of studies... I've never feel so stress in study in my whole life before this.. It's really been hell busy to me and i dun even have time to shit properly (seriously)

And i have problems in my relationship for a while early this year..

Man...

So y am i so free to write my emotional passage here u ask?

I am going to meet someone who's very important to someone who is very important to me.. (am i making sense?) And... at first i tot i can accept it.. i tot i can get along and it's just something i have to face if that person who is important to me is really important to me..
But when he just told me bout it.. i just realized i cant accept it.. I can't... maybe it's just temporary.. maybe it's just i am not used to it.. maybe it's still not the time ... or maybe i haven prepared for it...

So what?~

I dunno... lots of things in my mind.. i feel so alone... i remembered the dream he told me bout.. the dream without me in that whole family... where's my statues? how important i am to him? is it the same like me?

I dunno how to express my feelings towards him that i am scared... yes.. i am really scared... i wanna face someone i dunno and that person is certainly more important than me.. i dun wanna our life to changed.. but i know it will from now on... i hate my feelings...

I know i shld be happy for him but i am not... i feeling myself being selfish...

But he dun understand tat i am scared.. and i duno how to let him know how i feel..

Everything just messed up...

Pls tell me what to do....

Happy-little-Hui-Kee.. Or not?

Here to read my depressing post again?

U've made a mistake pals...
Well, it's true that i am here as i always do..

But just wanna say i miss baboon out of a sudden.. (surprise myself too!!)

It seems that i've no matured (enough) frens to share my feelings...
Not to say that i am matured .. i am not, obviously.. that's y i need an ''adult'' to talk to..

I cried alone in practice room today...
I never did this..

Guess i am just super low-spirit lately...
Been having sleepless nights, heavy eye bags and extremely pale lips..

Well.. who cares anywayz...
I mean, WHO will care bout me?! (except my family and those who're close in school with me)

Seriously, i owe my dearest an apology...
For being.. ME again...
I'm depress!!

YES!!
I'VE ANNOUCED IT!
I'M VERY DEPRESS NOW...

OK.. i wanna apologies for being ''unreasonable'', ''kiddy'', ''annoying'' etc. etc.
and not understanding for a working ppl like you...
and i am still so glad to have such a nice bf like u :)

Also, i learn something from u my dear..

We've to face the fact, face the reality when we're living in this world..

Fine, i FINALLY talk myself out..

I've accept the fact that u are a Gemini..
I've accept that you cannot pampered me like other guys did to me..
I've accept that you cannot accept the logic of how girls find a simple 5-cent text sms important to them
I've accept that you're older than me and you are already tried your best to be the best guy in my life
I've accept that everyday call and contact is not necessary
I've accept everything...

Old ppl says :"Women never listen"
But i guess there're guys out there who never listen too!
Until they realize they lost something important in their life...

But honestly...

From the bottom of my heart...

Thank you for loving me..

I'm not being a very good gf i guess...

And after this post..
I promise i will make myself feel better!

You do whatever you want for me...

I will just be a happy-little-hui-kee!

p/s: Advise for gurls... Do not angry and be sad alone and hoping your guy will notice and come and sweet talk you... Because guys are single-cell animal... they wont understand unless you say it out WORD-BY-WORD...

The gloom is back..

I played in the rain for a while today...

It's was raining cats and dogs.. really so darn heavy... with lightning and stuff... But strangely i feel so nice...I dun usually fancy rain... but today it's so nice... so beautiful; I wish i can take some pictures.. But too bad my camera is so out-of-date..

well, lots of ppl ask me to update.. seems i still got some ''fans'' eh? hmm... or just being busybody?? wahaha (just kidding)

Well, sorry for not updating... Been busy designing a blog for my bf as an anniversary present

(Since he's not reading this.. shld still be a surprise.. ^^)

Hmmm.... Lots of funny things happened to me lately...

I must mention that i've got a ''new'' fren... A fren which i couldn;t think of having in the first place...

It occurs so strangely... stange, but nice.

Well, i talk to this new fren of mine for bout 2 hours the other day... sleepless night eh...

These few days been thinking of what he said to me...

But something he said freaks me out... "I've the power to make u two together,"

"But i also have the power to break both of u up"

Gosh, this sentence really creeps me to the bone...

Do i trust the wrong person?

Well, i dun care so much now~

I'm here to share something with you all...

All i know is love is very fragile.. when u think u know someone... but actually u dun...

I dunno wat will happen to me next...

He say he'll help me... i wish he will..

He told me that people learn things when something really important to him is gone...

which is very true!

In fact, i did mentioned this last time in my previous post...

"History will repeat itself unless u do something to make up your mistake."

And i was so angry i asked him how come my bf never learn?! After a painful break up with his ex-gf??

I dun wanna do something to hurt him...

I just scare i might...

But i dun wanna to...

Anywayz, i just keep on having the feeling of talking to him after that day...

I dun really trust him but still...

I feel comfortable talking to him...

At least he is understanding...

"For a moment like this...Some people wait for a lifetime..."I dun wanna wait for a life time....

i was awake by the furious thoughts in my head...
It's was horrible...
I tried to run away from it by thinking bout other stuff but instead i found myself staring at my room's window and going to weep soon.. In order to stop myself from weeping i force back to sleep... and ended up sleeping till noon...

It ruin my whole day...
eventually, it forces me to blog here if not it will continue hanging around in my head for the rest of the time...

i am sick and tired of myself being control by the thoughts running endlessly in my head... I really wish someone can help me... My depression is getting worst.... :'( I dun think people can get much help for me... depression is the worst illness among all the other similar disease... this is wat i read from the book Dr. Jeff lent me...

What am i fussing about? Rewind back to the first day it occurs... not many days ago actually...

As i was searching online for any competition for band lately... because i still dun wanna give up getting my band members together and i realize having events is the only way... however, i fail..

Then the next day i when i reach my school's main door i saw huge posters of the most foundable words "Battle of the Bands". Only my LPZ knows how excited i am during that time.. and i thought at least something paid off after my hard work. However, life's making fun to me... as i was reading the rules and regulations while walking my hope eventually turns sour... They only allow 1 non student to enter and my whole band is non student except me and my drummer.. WTF~
Still, i din give up... i run all the way back to block A and ask them whether this is really important though i know it's hopeless... And yes, my band cant enter...

Told my BF bout it and he suggested asking one of his member from ''his'' band to help out... I agreed cos there're no other choices.. although i had a bad bad feeling bout that....

And puffs!* what i am expected and afriad really happens.. my BF's other band is taking part... since they are all students and most importantly... They are LUCKY...

I just cant get over it... i know they're meant to take part... and y do i care so fucking lot for this stupid band? i dun understand myself... this never happened to me in my whole life... i never cling to something to myself so hard before this... the feeling is like my BF is having 2-GFs.. and it really stinks!

He told me he dun really care bout that band like last time he did for ours... he never find tabs and organize stuff.. i understand wat he's trying to say... i understand he's trying to make me feel better.. However, his actions denied everything... He always talk bout his band etc, what song to play next and learning the harmonizing part so that he can do it druing practice and their band photos and video is all around his computer and he himself used photoshop to chnage their pic... and did none to ours and i bet he dun even have our pic...

Yes, jealousy is the main culpit! i can imagine green gas surrounding me and suffocating me as well...

I just cant help it... all i want is stop weeping everynight and stop looking like a zombie...
And also please let me get what i want... stop giving me road blocks... it's really killing me....

Friday Blues.... :(

I'm here to tell a little (personal) thing bout myself. Lately I discovered lots of things. Hell lots of things. I read an article about dreams. People tends to realise what they really feel about something, anything. Well, i do not need sleep to tell me what i really feel about my life, basically... about myself... and also my band.

Irony, i just running away from my problem. Seriously i REALLY do not know that it meant so much to me. So much until i cannot breathe well. I had a sleepless night yesterday (the day before i had my voice exam) And out of a sudden i felt that this is somehow very familiar to me. I did have the same experience of sleepless night before this (As u can see, i can sleep basically anywhere, so sleepless night is awkard for ppl like me) And when my poor exhausted body are fighting those images and songs flashing inside my head, i found myself weeping. I do not know why.

Out of a sudden everything came back to me, i named it the negative "aura". i had this funny thing since i am young. I wonder why. Guess God do not fancy me as much as other people. Seriously i do think that way sometimes. Oh ya, before i continue this, i wanna made things clear. I'm a very emotional person, highly unstable and constantly depressed, therefore, all these conversation might make it feel like i am an useless idiot babbling all the way. Well, i don't care. Anyway, as i was saying, the only thing precious thing God gave me is my beautiful family and my attitude of not giving up. I've fail to achieve what i wanted since sec. school. Therefore, failure is pretty much my close fren. However, although my flesh turned to dust, i still clingue to the my beliefs. However again, I do not have luck like other people do in meeting nice (nice + "highly involved") people who will basically... "fight" over the chance to do things they like. Well, i've to fight for myself. I've to fight so hard. I am really tired. Did i did something wrong to deserved all these? I really fed up seeing those ppl getting through everything so easily just because he and she is more lucky and starting acting as if the world is thiers. Seriously i am tired..... I hate living like this.....

Ok, what is it to do with my band u asked? Well, my BF sms me telling me he has band practice. Unexpectedly, that strange feeling came back again, making me all blue and upset. We haven practice since hell knows when, they do not have the initiative of being part of it anymore. Su Mei ask me to let go since he really wanna involve in that band and i replied her saying i dun care. But actually i does. And i care it hell lot. And i am really angry when i think back that night i was scolded like shit by him when i told him he cares more bout his new band. At last he admitted, saying is my guitarist fault of tearing us apart... WTF~ It's not because of band i am frustrating about, is the same old thing again. Well, to make this even more confusing, i dreamt to have a band since hell knows when, and when i finally found one, it's getting out of my sight. How come everything i clingue to, everything i dream of having, everything i've been fighting for i will not have a peace on it?! This is what makes me furious. Really, band is just another example of the failure achievement but it somehow makes a huge impact to me because i care damn much about it. I am so fucking proud of my own band because this is where i born, this is what gives me the courage to sing and to be someone whom i though i cant be. And the most importnat thing is, we can make good music although they are not music student and i am not a contemporary student. When i first joined them, I cant sing. I sing like shit. And since then, i swear to myself i wana be a awesome singer, a singer who can impress other people and leave an impression to them. Therefore i started practicing very hard and i am happy to see myself improve. By the time, everything changed.

I always wanted to do something different from other ppl, be someone unique and do things other ppl cant. Therefore, i treasure my band although i've tried to find ppl to replace them (although my band is still existed, but is seriously dying away... i can tell...) But i fail to do so. Out of a sudden, i feel like a nobody...

Maybe i shldn't depend too much on something to satisfy my thrist of being ''big''. Well, that's what i thought when i yearn to join Refugee:Images and UCSI Recall, hopefully someone will notice, and i can sort of build the my own network. But thanks to my asshole attitude nobody will gimme a damn. Unlike some ppl, i am not that kinda ppl who will approach to other ppl by own will. I believed what Mr. Ian said was true :
"Being a music student and studying in a music school, u better hope that someone will recognize your name "

I knew that even before i entered UCSI. Too bad i am a lousy pianist (not because of my skills, but my poor foundation). Therefore, chances dropped of being noticed. Who will care of glance a not so good musicians when there're so many exellence players out there? and i cant act like Cindira, i do not have her type of character and personality which in a way, made herself well-known. But,I strongly believe in myself. I can do it, I can achieve what i wanted. But i never realize it's harder than i ever imagined. All i need is a chance. A chance to be trained by the best and be who i wanted to be.

Just pray that lucky star will be by my side.

I wanna go home.... :'(

Miserable week....

Can i imagine u wake up every morning feeling that u haven even close your eyes yet?

Life's just a waste of our time....

That's how i feel...
Suppose to waking up fresh instead i had dizzy head with upset throat...

Y la now?! Y now only gimme such problems?!?

I've my term paper to do with Aural, Conducting, History and theory exam around the corner...
Not to mentioned musical starts next week... whole week i have to attend finals in the morning and performing in the evening....

If i had good rest i can cope....
But not now.... Feeling horrible....

I dun wanna to cry... i just cant help it~ if i cry i need more air which is so limited here....
But at least when i cry i cant feel a thing.....

I am so helpless...

Suddenly feel that i am extremely vulnerable....
I wanna ppl to take care of me...

I wan my mum... I wan her care and tenderness...

I am exhausted.... extremely tired....


I cant breathe......




HELP!!

I have to be strong... I cant bring more trouble for people around me...
Especially those who i loved so much.... :'(

It's a bad day

I love Sean's T-Shirt with the words
"Love is for Losers"
on it... haha

Yes i am having a bad day
I could sing a sad song and turn it around so that i can see happy faces looking at me
I wish i could
But i couldn't

My soul's wrenched and everything turns upside down
Every cells in my body struggles to free themselves from the thick fog inside me
The smoke of darkness crawl silent, cruely into every parts of my body
I'm weak... So weak to even defend it for myself

The sound of viol melts into my heart
Eventually all the notes spread out like thousand needles
Poking through my vains and vessels
Crushing my bones and devouring my flesh

The muse in me love play tricks to my brain
Magnifing every dust around me
Vomitting the poison into my brittle pea brain
Big waves were create by gentle breeze anyway

Dun turn your back on me
I need your smile to warm me
I need your hug to protect me from all the harm around me
I need you by my side

But...

I'm tired...
Tired of being a clown
Tired of putting a mask to face the world
And those people who meant hell lot to me
When everything i say falls to deaf ears

I hate the feeling of guilt
I hate the feeling of sorry
I beg for forgiveness and
Cleanse the sins i've created

I fear the feeling of lost
I fear to regret
To crush a future with my bare hands
To crush a heart i dun meant to hurt

I'm just extremely exhausted...
I wanna be free

I wonder.....

I wonder what kinda cell builds me...
What holds me together...

I seems to have really freaking emotional problems...

Sometimes how i wish i'm alone...
I dunno y~
Just let me be cos i dun think that the world will understand me?

Hmmm...

I tends to let ppl decide my mood...
A sigh of yours would affect my mood for the whole day..
Tis really bothers me a lot~

I hate myself behaving this way seriously...
How marvelous it is if some kinda scientist would just invent some happy pills?

:)

Anywayz, I am totally crazy over Rod Steward...

Listen to his song really calms me down...

I was really down just now~

Sometimes love is really annoying...
I dunno how to handle my own feelings...

I am still learning...

Just dun ignore me...
That's good enough~

I wonder....

It's such a long time i din really talk bout my life...

Mostly cos i am too bz and way too lazy to type it all out... thou the draft of the essay is in my head...

Well, as time goes by.. i started to understand quite a lot of things which some of them were planted in our mind since we were born.. We were too careless to notice it that's all..

Anywayz, been thru quite a lot this year, especially this semester...
I encounter new challenges, new friends and

Learning how to handle my emotions..

My cells under my skins are thirst for prominence...
Hmmm.. mayb is a bit too harsh...
Just need some reckonition...

I am so lack of patient to myself...

I remembered my aunt once told me bout metamorphosis...
Human being are extremely fragile...
There's one common thing in us is ...
"Keep repeating a same mistake, no matter small o big.. in the whole life, with or without noticing it... and normally nobody will take note to destroy that tiny dust which causes a fatal disease "

At first i tot this is bullshit... But as many things around evoled... i started to understand what this really means....

Personality... no, attitude is more suitable... is the hardest thing to handle in a popularity...
Human are build up with complex tissues and cells and hell knows what they are thinking bout?!

Well, people normally will not clique or mix with a person who is consider out of the band wave... However, giving judgement to a person u do not know at all is really unfair..
By all means took away the chance of knowing another soul...

The worst thing i'm noticed in my community is judge a person thru another person's eye...

However, what i found interesting lately is that...
People who seems to be hopelessly unrelated seems to launch a huge step nearer to me...

On the other hand, those who i thought to be an angel is actually an angel with hidden horns and a spiky tail...

The only thing to find a person's real identity is to know more bout them...
Good or bad...

Well, i guess that's life...
Challenge grows each day as time crawl passed us silently ...

Therefore,
In order to survived in this cruel world, choose to be a predator... not a prey...

Who knows one day u might be hunt by the person closes to u?

Y do human cry?

Alright.. today the topic i gonna talk bout is "Y people cry?" (Y people smoke?)

Ok..ignore the italic words...

I received a statement saying that only losers, n weak people cries...
N i was like, what's wrong with crying?! Seriously... there's no right o wrong in this thingy but i just wanna voice out my thinking n my un'song'ness~

Let's just tell u how tis "idiotic" conversation started...
A very dear fren of mine cried today... saying that there're too many things for her to handle n she was under stressed... I understand how she feels i really do~ n so i was talking bout her to a fren of mine and he was like, ''crying is useless! work hard n bla bla.." i cant remember... N he ended up telling me the action of crying are reserved for losers... maybe he din really meant it tat way.. but wat i understood from the way he explain to me... he makes me feel like he's not understanding... n conservative for sure!

Well, God gave us the ability to cry for various reasons.. i suppose.. well, as far as i concern, i know that crying makes ppl feel better after some incident, at least i do feel that way.. But if ppl who're trying to release their tension by dropping tears (and it's uncontrollable right?!) are defined as losers... this is so not fair~!
There're so many different ways to see a single thing... maybe on the surface u see someone crying u will feel that the fellow is weak n useless.. but u are not in that person's shoe~ u dunno exactly how they feel n wat they've been thru!

For example, u will feel sympathic for an orphan.. but do u know how they feel?
U wont~ cos u are not an orphan..
Even thou u were a student before... but different life n way of studies.. how can u understand!?
It's same goes to colour... Blue unnecessarily be just blue.. it can be light blue, dark blue o even darker blue right? So... everything have different espect... Therefore, crying shouldn't be defined as the act for losers! *Grrr....*

Thus, if crying makes u feel better, u'll have "mood" n more initiative to work out your things instead of forcing urself to work n work n work in the depress mood~

Good mood = high proficiency = good result

So y not allow urself to weep for a while to make urself feel better? don't u love yourself?

As for the ''real'' losers...
Yup, losers are those who cry day n night without finding ways to solve the problems.. for those who cry n give up.. that's losers!!
But those who cries because they really feel bad... it's really unfair to call them losers...!

Can u imagine seeing ur fren crying so hard n u stood there coldly with ur arms crossed over your chest, eyes narrowed and telling them they are losers?!

When ppl cry all they need is care n love n support...

I remember chinese ppl love saying "Guys can shed their blood, but not their tears"
Personally i think this is bullshit...
Y izzit suppose to be that way? to show that u are stronger? That u are better than anyone else and u dun need someone to be there for u cos u can handle things urself?

Well, u are welcome to live in a world of ur own... but count me out~

Reason y i am so frustrated over this stupid topic which ppl dun give a fuck about is cos the person i concern the most started this... Which really gets on my nerves! It sounds as if he is so not understanding n will definately wont give a shit even if i break down.... N now he refuses to reply my sms... Well, i dun understand y everytime we argue for unworthless things?!!?
Fine! Dun worry i wont look for u when i cry cos u wont give a damn bout it!!!!!!!!
Gosh... Sigh~
(N this is non of a "fantasy" like what u said, i am having.. these are just facts... take it or leave it)

*Sob Sob* T.T all i need is love..... T.T

p/s: Do u know u need 56 face musles to make a grumpy face but 13 face muscles to make a happy face :) Therefore, nobody will love grumpy face cos it makes the face tired...
(I'm not sure the figure is correct cos i read this article long time ago.. if i made a mistake.. pls do correct me :) )
If u (u know who u are) happened to read this... dun think that i overacegerate, overreacting n thinked too much..probably... cos u really made me feel this way... and the feeling is really horrible.. :(

Do Re Mi Fa Sol...

L-O-V-E is such a trouble-maker.

Unfortunately i start to feeling that.

sigh sigh sigh + triple sigh

I'm so disappointed...

I felt as if my heart crushed...

I got my results...

I got 1A, 6B n a C...

As u can tell...

I'm super unsatisfied with my result...

Honestly i felt happy cos i tot i worked hard and enough to get at least a few A's...

But things din work out tat way...

I had my own dreams.... I've things i wanted to achieve.... N i tot i'm sort stepping a TINY step out to reaching my target...

But somehow it falls bek to my our shell...

I dunno wat's wrong seriously....
Even my partner couldn't belief we got this kinda result...

Sigh....

Like i said before...

Words after failure are useless n worthles...

So...

I gonna shut myself up n do things i shld do ....

I wont fail myself again this time........






But i really feel like crying...

N i need hugzzz.......
Lots of them.....

T.T

It was harder... so much harder than i tot...

How i wish i am half Su Mei...

T.T