I wonder.....

I wonder what kinda cell builds me...
What holds me together...

I seems to have really freaking emotional problems...

Sometimes how i wish i'm alone...
I dunno y~
Just let me be cos i dun think that the world will understand me?

Hmmm...

I tends to let ppl decide my mood...
A sigh of yours would affect my mood for the whole day..
Tis really bothers me a lot~

I hate myself behaving this way seriously...
How marvelous it is if some kinda scientist would just invent some happy pills?

:)

Anywayz, I am totally crazy over Rod Steward...

Listen to his song really calms me down...

I was really down just now~

Sometimes love is really annoying...
I dunno how to handle my own feelings...

I am still learning...

Just dun ignore me...
That's good enough~

I wonder....

It's such a long time i din really talk bout my life...

Mostly cos i am too bz and way too lazy to type it all out... thou the draft of the essay is in my head...

Well, as time goes by.. i started to understand quite a lot of things which some of them were planted in our mind since we were born.. We were too careless to notice it that's all..

Anywayz, been thru quite a lot this year, especially this semester...
I encounter new challenges, new friends and

Learning how to handle my emotions..

My cells under my skins are thirst for prominence...
Hmmm.. mayb is a bit too harsh...
Just need some reckonition...

I am so lack of patient to myself...

I remembered my aunt once told me bout metamorphosis...
Human being are extremely fragile...
There's one common thing in us is ...
"Keep repeating a same mistake, no matter small o big.. in the whole life, with or without noticing it... and normally nobody will take note to destroy that tiny dust which causes a fatal disease "

At first i tot this is bullshit... But as many things around evoled... i started to understand what this really means....

Personality... no, attitude is more suitable... is the hardest thing to handle in a popularity...
Human are build up with complex tissues and cells and hell knows what they are thinking bout?!

Well, people normally will not clique or mix with a person who is consider out of the band wave... However, giving judgement to a person u do not know at all is really unfair..
By all means took away the chance of knowing another soul...

The worst thing i'm noticed in my community is judge a person thru another person's eye...

However, what i found interesting lately is that...
People who seems to be hopelessly unrelated seems to launch a huge step nearer to me...

On the other hand, those who i thought to be an angel is actually an angel with hidden horns and a spiky tail...

The only thing to find a person's real identity is to know more bout them...
Good or bad...

Well, i guess that's life...
Challenge grows each day as time crawl passed us silently ...

Therefore,
In order to survived in this cruel world, choose to be a predator... not a prey...

Who knows one day u might be hunt by the person closes to u?

Tra la la la

Yes!! finally get to change my ugly blog skin~

i know i know u ppl dun like this kinda setting but i really love this skin.. it resemble my feelings in the moment...

Anywayz,
Notice that there's a slideshow when u just log into my blog...??

Hee~ be patient and watch...

Only those who meant a lot to me will appear in that film...
(even u appear once u are important enough! ^-^)

Well... if u din see urself there... u know wat i mean :)

p/s: But i might miss someone out!! so pls knock my head if u think u shld be in ter but u din :P

Y do human cry?

Alright.. today the topic i gonna talk bout is "Y people cry?" (Y people smoke?)

Ok..ignore the italic words...

I received a statement saying that only losers, n weak people cries...
N i was like, what's wrong with crying?! Seriously... there's no right o wrong in this thingy but i just wanna voice out my thinking n my un'song'ness~

Let's just tell u how tis "idiotic" conversation started...
A very dear fren of mine cried today... saying that there're too many things for her to handle n she was under stressed... I understand how she feels i really do~ n so i was talking bout her to a fren of mine and he was like, ''crying is useless! work hard n bla bla.." i cant remember... N he ended up telling me the action of crying are reserved for losers... maybe he din really meant it tat way.. but wat i understood from the way he explain to me... he makes me feel like he's not understanding... n conservative for sure!

Well, God gave us the ability to cry for various reasons.. i suppose.. well, as far as i concern, i know that crying makes ppl feel better after some incident, at least i do feel that way.. But if ppl who're trying to release their tension by dropping tears (and it's uncontrollable right?!) are defined as losers... this is so not fair~!
There're so many different ways to see a single thing... maybe on the surface u see someone crying u will feel that the fellow is weak n useless.. but u are not in that person's shoe~ u dunno exactly how they feel n wat they've been thru!

For example, u will feel sympathic for an orphan.. but do u know how they feel?
U wont~ cos u are not an orphan..
Even thou u were a student before... but different life n way of studies.. how can u understand!?
It's same goes to colour... Blue unnecessarily be just blue.. it can be light blue, dark blue o even darker blue right? So... everything have different espect... Therefore, crying shouldn't be defined as the act for losers! *Grrr....*

Thus, if crying makes u feel better, u'll have "mood" n more initiative to work out your things instead of forcing urself to work n work n work in the depress mood~

Good mood = high proficiency = good result

So y not allow urself to weep for a while to make urself feel better? don't u love yourself?

As for the ''real'' losers...
Yup, losers are those who cry day n night without finding ways to solve the problems.. for those who cry n give up.. that's losers!!
But those who cries because they really feel bad... it's really unfair to call them losers...!

Can u imagine seeing ur fren crying so hard n u stood there coldly with ur arms crossed over your chest, eyes narrowed and telling them they are losers?!

When ppl cry all they need is care n love n support...

I remember chinese ppl love saying "Guys can shed their blood, but not their tears"
Personally i think this is bullshit...
Y izzit suppose to be that way? to show that u are stronger? That u are better than anyone else and u dun need someone to be there for u cos u can handle things urself?

Well, u are welcome to live in a world of ur own... but count me out~

Reason y i am so frustrated over this stupid topic which ppl dun give a fuck about is cos the person i concern the most started this... Which really gets on my nerves! It sounds as if he is so not understanding n will definately wont give a shit even if i break down.... N now he refuses to reply my sms... Well, i dun understand y everytime we argue for unworthless things?!!?
Fine! Dun worry i wont look for u when i cry cos u wont give a damn bout it!!!!!!!!
Gosh... Sigh~
(N this is non of a "fantasy" like what u said, i am having.. these are just facts... take it or leave it)

*Sob Sob* T.T all i need is love..... T.T

p/s: Do u know u need 56 face musles to make a grumpy face but 13 face muscles to make a happy face :) Therefore, nobody will love grumpy face cos it makes the face tired...
(I'm not sure the figure is correct cos i read this article long time ago.. if i made a mistake.. pls do correct me :) )
If u (u know who u are) happened to read this... dun think that i overacegerate, overreacting n thinked too much..probably... cos u really made me feel this way... and the feeling is really horrible.. :(

^-^

Just now my deareast called...

He asked me whether i am happy joining the production..

Yes.

I answered w/out hesitation...
He was worried bout me falling apart because i joined too many activities...

It was really sweet :)
Anyhow.. Undeniable that joining "The Canticle Singers" is not an easy task....

We're required to dance n sing n act... well.. Thou i am not in the acting and.. uh, for ur information.. i am just playing tinny tiny little unimportant roles in this Musical..
OK, it's just like in a movie, u see ppl walking around in the market, people who are the neighbours of the important roles and ppl who walk around in the scene like gone case fellow...

Yup, i am one of those ppl..

The reason i am playing such pathetique role it's cos i join them in the last minute.. so.. anywayz.. ahha~ i'm not well-known anywayzz...

Still i am glad to be in.. I somehow have the feeling tat i am using my energy to gain some knownledge... Everytime after rehearsal my body ache like hell... N i dun feel well cos i actually lack of time doing my school work.. and therefore i need to sacrifice my resting time to do my work.. and tis is how i get my eye bags, dark circle n big tummy (almost everytime after rehearsel i will have supper... damn!)

But i felt everything was worth it.. The process of learning is never easy... the tougher it is the more i will gain.. (i guess?)

Well, and Mr. Chong was nice to me (thou his scary big eyes always stared at me whenever we start doing our scenes...)

Hmmm..

I am glad that Su Mei starts to laugh like a donkey these few days.. normally i am the one who's palying her role talking there syok sendiri while she staring at me with three strips beside her forehead.. haha! Today i was half dead.. so half of the time she was talking n laughing herself dunno for wat... n also the stupid BAM thingy.. -_-" really dunno wat to say... N she starts hugging ppl around... gosh~ ahhahaa~ but it's a good sign thou!! glad to see u happy again.. (ehem... thanks to me >.< *grin*) hahaha

Wa... hope i can sleep for 20 hours...

But still have work to do.. wonder y i still blog?

I dunno.