It's a bad day

I love Sean's T-Shirt with the words
"Love is for Losers"
on it... haha

Yes i am having a bad day
I could sing a sad song and turn it around so that i can see happy faces looking at me
I wish i could
But i couldn't

My soul's wrenched and everything turns upside down
Every cells in my body struggles to free themselves from the thick fog inside me
The smoke of darkness crawl silent, cruely into every parts of my body
I'm weak... So weak to even defend it for myself

The sound of viol melts into my heart
Eventually all the notes spread out like thousand needles
Poking through my vains and vessels
Crushing my bones and devouring my flesh

The muse in me love play tricks to my brain
Magnifing every dust around me
Vomitting the poison into my brittle pea brain
Big waves were create by gentle breeze anyway

Dun turn your back on me
I need your smile to warm me
I need your hug to protect me from all the harm around me
I need you by my side

But...

I'm tired...
Tired of being a clown
Tired of putting a mask to face the world
And those people who meant hell lot to me
When everything i say falls to deaf ears

I hate the feeling of guilt
I hate the feeling of sorry
I beg for forgiveness and
Cleanse the sins i've created

I fear the feeling of lost
I fear to regret
To crush a future with my bare hands
To crush a heart i dun meant to hurt

I'm just extremely exhausted...
I wanna be free

I'm 20!! tra la la l ala...

Well, i am officially a 20-bies now~
one more year to merdeka...kekekez

Just celebrated my b'day yesterday... it was the most present-received b'day... !!

I got a total of 26 sms, 8 received present and 1 pending one...

Hmm...
It might not be a lot to some of u but it means a lot to me...

And i actually got a lot of soft toys tis year >.<" man.. on my 20's

Hong Hong surprised me with a tortoise with a bunch of leaves on the head... damn cute!

Pei San, Carolyn and Terence bought me a teddy bear with a outrangeous big head and a pathetic little body.. haha~ i dun dare to hug it to sleep scare i might break his head...

All my hzmates thrown me a surprised party the night before my birthday... i was really touched that i actually dropped my tears, without anyone noticing it..They gave me a cow.. -_-"
with pink mouth and a bunch of hair on the head... it was quite hard i couldn't hug it to sleep..

My another hzmate, Terence Au gave me a tin of Mango cake from Hong Kong... absolutely love that packaging~!! it's so so adorable!! ^Q^

N the most incredible thing is my own PPG club members... they actually bought my presents when i am with them!! w/out me noticing it.. amazing!! haha... Su Mei n Cindira bought me a ''The Nightmare before Christmas'' holder for me.. i mean, i dunno what is that supposed to call... coffin?? uh.. it's for my recorder basically.. i wanted to buy it since last 2 sems... hmm... and also 4 pieces of assorted cake from Secret Recipe >.<'' eat till i wanna vomit... My aunt gave me a shirt from Anas-something.. i couldn't remember.. very special shirt where i need to tie it up to keep the wavy look on the shirt...

My cousin gave me a blue braclet... with hearts and diamonds... woooOOoo... it's gorgeous! ^o^

I got an Adidas bag pack from my BF ^-^ although is not really the color i wanted but still i love it :) hee~ but my mood went down drain when i saw him so sick... poor thing... sigh...
and i'm so sad i cant do anything to help him... :(
*sayang sayang my dear dear ^-^*

Last but not least, Sean spend me an awesome meal... hehe drool~
We went to Chilis for lunch tat day and eat till i dropped!i mean, we dropped... haha~
And also my anut who brought me for dinner in Tai Tong restaurant... althought the food is not really nice for me but i'm thankful for that wonderful night :)

Well, i will post up the pictures for my b'day... although only a bit but still.. it's funny... haha
And....

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh My God!!!!
Oh My God!!!!
Oh My God!!!!
Oh My God!!!!
Oh My God!!!!
Oh My God!!!!
Oh My God!!!!
Oh My God!!!!
Oh My God!!!!
Oh My God!!!!
Oh My God!!!!
Oh My God!!!!

Well, check out tis fucking blog yourself-->

http://doubleprophecy.blogspot.com

Man, i'm so touched!!

This is the most meaningful present i got for tis year!!

I LOVE U BABOON SING YEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stupid bitch la u sing yee... Publish my pictures lidat~
Oh ya, dear u might wan to see it too... the sesat fellow got mention your name ter.. ahhaha

Wahahaha!! thank u thank u my dearest frenz!! muaks muaks!

AmZzZzz RoXxxX!!

Refugee: Images

Hear ye hear ye~

This is the production i talked bout in my previous post...

It's a musical called Refugee: Images performed by The Canticle Singers...


Can see me not can see me not?!?! Ter Ter!!
I took this picture from www.kakiseni.com

This is the trailor for our musical which very soon will be shown in LRTs, and 7-11!

Notice the picture in the first slide... I'm in there!! with a sesat post... XD

This is the first musical production i am in... (except the UCSI recall...) N i am excited bout it!! But the rehearsal fucking killing sial...

I wonder.....

I wonder what kinda cell builds me...
What holds me together...

I seems to have really freaking emotional problems...

Sometimes how i wish i'm alone...
I dunno y~
Just let me be cos i dun think that the world will understand me?

Hmmm...

I tends to let ppl decide my mood...
A sigh of yours would affect my mood for the whole day..
Tis really bothers me a lot~

I hate myself behaving this way seriously...
How marvelous it is if some kinda scientist would just invent some happy pills?

:)

Anywayz, I am totally crazy over Rod Steward...

Listen to his song really calms me down...

I was really down just now~

Sometimes love is really annoying...
I dunno how to handle my own feelings...

I am still learning...

Just dun ignore me...
That's good enough~

I wonder....

It's such a long time i din really talk bout my life...

Mostly cos i am too bz and way too lazy to type it all out... thou the draft of the essay is in my head...

Well, as time goes by.. i started to understand quite a lot of things which some of them were planted in our mind since we were born.. We were too careless to notice it that's all..

Anywayz, been thru quite a lot this year, especially this semester...
I encounter new challenges, new friends and

Learning how to handle my emotions..

My cells under my skins are thirst for prominence...
Hmmm.. mayb is a bit too harsh...
Just need some reckonition...

I am so lack of patient to myself...

I remembered my aunt once told me bout metamorphosis...
Human being are extremely fragile...
There's one common thing in us is ...
"Keep repeating a same mistake, no matter small o big.. in the whole life, with or without noticing it... and normally nobody will take note to destroy that tiny dust which causes a fatal disease "

At first i tot this is bullshit... But as many things around evoled... i started to understand what this really means....

Personality... no, attitude is more suitable... is the hardest thing to handle in a popularity...
Human are build up with complex tissues and cells and hell knows what they are thinking bout?!

Well, people normally will not clique or mix with a person who is consider out of the band wave... However, giving judgement to a person u do not know at all is really unfair..
By all means took away the chance of knowing another soul...

The worst thing i'm noticed in my community is judge a person thru another person's eye...

However, what i found interesting lately is that...
People who seems to be hopelessly unrelated seems to launch a huge step nearer to me...

On the other hand, those who i thought to be an angel is actually an angel with hidden horns and a spiky tail...

The only thing to find a person's real identity is to know more bout them...
Good or bad...

Well, i guess that's life...
Challenge grows each day as time crawl passed us silently ...

Therefore,
In order to survived in this cruel world, choose to be a predator... not a prey...

Who knows one day u might be hunt by the person closes to u?