Heart? Brain?

It's been a while i write something like this... the feeling came back to me again... words just keep flowing in my head and it's so unbearable and i must write it down to ease the uneasiness...

But i never write in such early time in a day..

Well, what is wrong with me you ask?
Hmm... let's just say that the other part of my body doesn't want to listen to me anymore..

Confused??

Let's put it this way:
Normally i don't really believe (although some part of me do, if not i wont write like this) that human can think in two ways, or communicate within themselve in two ways..

One is by using the brain, the other is using the heart.

But i do now.

Yes, my heart and my brain has conflict ideas now...

I'm not lost. Although everytime i appear to be, or even say i am lost. I know what i am thinking and what i should do.

The reason why i say i am lost is just an excuse not to think or consider what the other part of me is trying to say. Because my brain ask me to act rationally and do not do something that will make me regret.

However... it gets harder to bear.. my hands are holding a precious gem that everyone else envy and i am proud of, and i know i will never ever let go...

But somehow my eyes start to glance other side of the world.

Sigh...

I hate myself when i do things like that. I feel so vulnerable, so.... like the old me.

That's why this time i rather hurt myself than hurt other people...
Because by feeling that way i will able to wake myself up, and focus more on things that is more important.

Because i will always follow what my brain says........... for now.