I hereby launch my complaints.. again..

U can choose not to read this seriously...

But i just wanna let those frens who are not near to me knows how's my life recently..

N i bet u already can guessed how it went.. (read the title?)

Anywayz, my 2nd recital was a failure too.. thou i did a bit better than the first but still it sucks like hell.. n i kinda let Su Mei and other frens down.. They supported me .. a lot..

N i was so touched to hear Su Mei whispered this to me before i went up to stage
"U dim wan! dun worry.."

Yup, she saw me practice..

Well, i guess this is the most challenging thing in musicians (thou i'm still not a recognized wan..)
No matter how hard u tried, o practiced o do watever thing to make sure your performance went ntg wrong..

But all ppl see is the moment u perform.. so.. They definately wont understand...
Even thou they feel that u played good...
U still cant passed yourself...

Niwayz, just suddenly feel lost .. totally lost after my recital...

Suddenly felt that i am good at ntg..
I pushed myself so hard to make things perfect... But things just seem to be getting worst and worst... N, i wanna to be strong n do my work all over again so that my result will be satisfying but things just dun work out...
N i'm tired.. physically and mentally...

Am i just stupid or i really din work hard enough?!

Y do i seem to be complaining most of the time while others dun seem to have a problem.....

Sigh sigh sigh........

i really hate my recent life...
So damn fucking much....

Every arteries in my body, every muscles and cells in my brain are wrenched...

Sometimes i just hate to force myself to be strong......

I am used to be pampered by someone last time...
N i really really need time to adjust myself to be independant...

And to remind myself i am not in the previous situation anymore...

I need to grow up...

N growing up is a tiring process....

But still,
I prefer being pampared...
Really.... :'(

I'm ready.. depression, I'm ready.. depression...

I just saw Baboon's latest post and i think it's something similar to what i am going to say...

Seriously i also dunno wat's wrong with me too Baboon, something's just not right but i just dunno what is wrong... and ya, stupid depression just fuck off..

I hate being depressed... it's not fun at all..

But strangely today i feel kinda high... unlike the past few weeks... People say i look like a life dead person..(or izit dead life person? -_-" anywayz.... u know what i mean..)

N i love classical music more and more nowadays...
I've learnt how to appreciate it for some reason.... Hmmm..
Maybe cos of Loo?

I am not sure...

But i am happy that i strated to love something i once dun feel like getting close to it..

Niwayz, just to inform u ppl that i found a room~! I mean, i rent a room outside la,
No longer staying in hostel next sem ^-^

But my room is kinda like... uh... artificial thou...
N the TV is right in front of my door... Man, i hope my hzmates are not football fans

Oh ya, came across this article tis afternoon...

When You're in a Bad Mood, Eat THIS
When you're in a bad mood or just feeling blue, eat fish. It turns out that omega-3 fatty acids have more of an influence on mood, personality and behavior than ever before realized.

Researchers from the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center say they have discovered that omega-3 fatty acids, found in abundance in salmon, mackerel, lake trout, herring, sardines and albacore tuna, influence impulsivity, personality and how people feel.

The study: Led by Dr. Sarah Conklin, the team analyzed levels of omega-3 fatty acids in the blood of 106 healthy volunteers and then compared that data to the participants' scores on three accepted tests for depression, impulsiveness and personality. The volunteers made no changes to their diets during the study period.

The results: Those with lower blood levels of omega-3 polyunsaturated fatty acids were more likely to report mild or moderate symptoms of depression, a more negative outlook and be more impulsive, while those with higher blood levels of omega-3s were found to be more agreeable.

Previous research has connected low levels of omega-3 to clinically significant conditions such as major depressive disorder, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, substance abuse and attention deficit disorder. This latest study is the first to show that these relationships also occur in healthy adults.

The study findings were presented at the Annual Scientific Meeting of the American Psychosomatic Society in Denver.

Salmon salmon here i come!! *drool* ...

Interesting article!

Ban The Piano! A 21st-Century Composition Manifesto

Story by Byron Au Yong. I thought this might be an interesting article for my music frens as all of us are pianist... Hee... it's a bit long la but i hope u'll enjoy..

The piano was my first love. I would play for hours, alternating between the black and white keys. Swaying on the bench, I found myself in 17th-century Leipzig with Bach, 18th-century Salzburg with Mozart, and 19th-century Warsaw with Chopin. With these masters, I traveled through time to exotic European cities, but I was really alone and alone I was controlled.

My first love led to my disintegration. I played and played, visiting homes where the piano had become a table for overgrown plants. I played and played and found myself a bit too intimate with a parlor instrument at three o'clock in the morning. I played and played until certain keys stuck and the notes stopped sounding. I had fallen in love with an antiquated machine; an old-fashioned coffin that I desperately tried to warm with the soft fur of music. I was no longer integral to society. I had become engaged in necrophilia with an inanimate relic.

As an instrument of class, the piano signifies dominance. This is symbolized on the keyboard by ebony-black keys that are separate and hover tentatively behind ivory-white keys, which side-by-side form a phalanx. When the piano was in its infancy, the keys were various color combinations, but now the black keys are always a pentatonic scale. "I'm playing Chinese!" I used to exclaim as an eight-year-old, running my fingers along the black keys. The momentary look of horror on my mom's face receded when the potential benefit of having a classical musician for a son began to outweigh the cartoonish distillation of Chinese music into five pitches. For hours, I commanded the interaction of those keys, as other boys command toy soldiers. In the process, I became a brainwashed despot sitting by myself in a practice room in a hall filled with practice rooms of other musicians sitting by themselves.

When he was 8...

Glenn Gould tried to escape by humming beyond the regulated pitches. Stockhausen held the damper pedal down until the overtone-clouded harmonies provided a momentary release. John Cage threw screws and bolts into the guts of the beast. George Maciunas had Nam June Paik hammer nails into every key of the piano until the instrument was destroyed. Sonic Youth revived the Maciunas Piano Piece #13, in 1999, to no avail. The shiny-black-trophy-hearse piano lives on in the concert hall heart of every music school.

For composers, the piano is deadly. Music is about voices within bodies that sing about the human condition. The piano has taken vocalists away from learning how to sing within an oral tradition. The piano has taken bodies and forced them to sit. The piano has taken its role as a tool of music and become a tool for dictators. For music to regain its agency and creativity, composers must unchain themselves from the piano and reintegrate the two primary building blocks of composing music: drum and voice.

Drumming energizes the body from the outside with hands or feet that produce percussive beats that propel dramatic action. Singing arises from the inside of the body and soars towards the heavens. Together, drumming and vocalizing contain seeds that when thrown into cultural cracks grow into the intertwining narratives of music.

While the piano can play a melody over a rhythmic pattern, the results fall into gestures that are constrained by tuning and history. The initial impulse to compose must come from the infinite complexities of drumming and vocalizing rather than from the limited mechanics of the piano. Later, piano may be added as an instrument of the music, but never before—otherwise the music becomes an instrument of the piano.

It is easy to begin a new work by sitting at a keyboard and playing and playing and playing. While this machine easily produces sound, beware; once it dictates the works being created, then the essence and potential of imagination in musical storytelling is lost. As an artist who lives on the edges, I will always reify the piano, but as a composer I realize that drumming and vocalizing are the essential tools of my craft.

Hmm... so, what do u think? Is piano that scary??

Just kill me...

Cant believe i gonna finish my 3rd sem in UCSI soon...

Niwayz,

I got some feedbacks from my fellow frens...

Sexy Sean claims that he likes me more when i was in first SEM, I laugh like monkey all the time;
Chuan Li told me he likes me better when i was very annoying, talking n laughing very loud non stop like a gone case woman;
Caleb, Qi Yu n some ppl who i forgot the names asked me what happened to me lately...

Well, i wish i know too...

I lost the perfect complexion i used to have, i lost the attitude i used to have, i lost the aura i used to have, i lost my confident in doing things i'm usually capable at...

Sigh...

The most important thing is i miss my laugh...

I cant remember when was the last time i laugh my heart out...

Sometimes i just need someone to talk to...
But i everytime i'll be ended up feeling even worst..

On the other hand, it's troublesome to talk to someone...
Cos everyone's busy out of the hell at this moment...

I dun wanna be a burdent for another party....

So i decided to blog...

Blogging is still the best way for me to release my tension...

At least blogging wont kena scolded or making another party feel uncomfortable..

N i agree with Su Mei's nick on MSN asking ppl to kill her...

Ya,
Just pull the trigger when the mouth of the gun is facing my heart....
Not the face pls..

Words from heart...

FH IHD HR A MALD H'KK BQAES HM LX GDAQS....

T'KK MDUA JMNV GNV LTBG H LDAMS VGDM H RAX

"H KNUD XNT"

H JMNV SAS H RSHKK GAU CNTAS RNLDGNV, RNLDSHLDR,
ATS H GNOD VD BAM VNDJ SGNRD NTS....

"H MDDC XNT AX LX RHCD"

This is for Jay....

Clue: the number comes after 7 is 8...

ATTENTION!!! Vote for my picture!!

UCSI fellows!!!

Please log onto http://msgboard.i-t-s-a.net n search for
"Vote for the funniest picture"

PLEASE vote for picture no. 110 !!!

My I.D. is 1000411513

Go vote me ya!!

Thanks!

Just to share tis...

Hehehe... finally posted something with pictures...

My bf sent this to my email n i tot it's quite cute n sweet i decided to post it here
(Wasted so much time doing tis -_-:)

Dun worry, i'll translate for the sake of my ''banana'' frens...

Every guy will have gf.. Including me..

But my gf is more ''geng cao'' than other gals!

Every morning i've to wake up at 7 to prepare breakfast for her.

After breakfast i've to send her to work.

N somore i am forced to recite a love poem for her in front of public.
"Shall i compare thee with a summre's day,
Thou art more lovely n bad tempered.."
hehehe.

Sometimes i still need to run after the bus for 15 min.

Then only i pack my stuff n go to work.

Now u know how ''ba bai'' n sassy my gf is already la?!
"Am i a useless guy?!
No! I'm a real man!"

Everytime i've to stand up n chase those mad dogs away..

I'm a decent guy.. so that means i wont lay my eyes on other gals for more than 3 min..
Including grannies... yer..

Uh.. this one not important...

Why do i have such a gf?!
Other guys' gf treat them like kittens...
MIne is a tigress... -_-"

My buddies asked me the same ques for dozens of time but i lazy wanna layan them.

This wan also not importnat :p

So is this..

Every9 i've to report what i ate for the whole day..

My hp must be on 24 hours

I've to put down my work n rush for her immediately if she's facing a pro.

No matter is raining o snowing..

I've to use the mose romantic way to fecth her back from work..
sohai..~

Other than doing chores,

I've to company her watch rubbish movies (Like DOOM)

When she cry, i cry harder

When she laugh i shiver.

At night i've to sing to put her to bed..

Everyday i must take care of her with extra care n i think normal ppl cannot take this kinda life...
But i already used to it..

Y cook breakfast for her?
Cos she lazy...

Y wanna fight with dogs?
Cos i wanna show her i am brave..

Y not allow to look at other gals?
B'cause i dun allow her to see other guys so i must do the same too..

Y must i report wat i ate?
Cos she kepo...

Y must on my hp 24 hours?
Cos she misses me more than i miss her...

Wa.. i lazy wanna translate d...

Go learn Chinese la!

-_-ZzzZzz..

Bla bla lba....

As a conclusion,
I'll still continue to love her, care for her, protect her..

Without any reason..

Because love is not single sided...

Actually,personally i like this mail... But i dun think this kinda guy still exist... unless his DNA is mutated.. hahaha... hmmm....

What i know is... treasure the person u've beside u...
Dun regret when u lost that person... it's too late....

Eh-hem

I've an announcement to made....

Due to the horrible, terrible n unsatisfying playing of mine in today's recital...
I'm asked to be performed again in 27th of March. Hope that u all can support me again :'(

What an awful day i had today... :(

p/s: Thanks Su Mei, Qi Yu, Sean and.. oh ya, and Davina...
Thanks Su Mei n Qi Yu n Sean for corcern bout me n support me :) highly appreciated...
About Davina... i am just happened to be there when she's practicing voice with Jerry n gang.. n i got entertained.. accidentally.. hee

Oh ya, not forgetting my bf for telling me that God love me a lot, n i shld love him as much too? uh.. anyway, i am confused -_-

As a conclusion..
hope that i can pass n not to disappoint myself again.. sigh~ if Loo is there i think he'll sure go up stage n hit me till i unconcious... seriously..

Series of UNCOMFORTABLE events

I'm so bloody pissed. My room's so bloody hot. My bloody handphone din make any noise since this morning. I am bloody alone in room since yesterday talking to my Music History book with Mozart n Vivaldi all over the place. I am bloody tired cos of sleeping late. I am bloody pissed that SOME ppl din reply my sms. I am bloody fucked up because my computer is not working n i have to go n borrow a comp. I am bloody pissed tat my mum angry without specific reasons. I am pissed that I din turned out to be talking to the right person i wish to talk on phone in the middle of the night. I am so so bloody pissed. Yes i am pissed. Very very pissed indeed.

Something really sweet ^-^

Jay gave me this..... ^-^