It's tired to be me...

I dunno what's happening to my blog.. everything's in mess.. but it's ok though...I dun really care anywayz..

I think God treated me quite well... I thank Him for those nice things happened around me.. =)

But, i suddenly felt so lonely today...

U see, i knew a bunch of gals, who study music too, and there's one gal name Carolyn (looks like Baboon) actually i kinda like her at first... but now, i mean.. sometimes i quite pissed at her maybe she's quite hmmm... dun exactly know how to describe my feeling.. I'll observe for some more time only tell u all what's happening...
But, she's defiantely not like that Baboon i know...

And, sometimes i felt quite left out from the group...
(i dunno y! i try to fit in, i talk nicely, try to be friendly.. everything i did is in order... but, still cant really click with them... Sometimes i even dun feel like myself when i am together with them...)

They actually discussing going to one cafe in Sunway in front of me w/out even inviting me lo~
(Mayb i'm just over sensitive.. i dunno...)

I feel like an idiot...

Ok, there's one guy from my hometown named Calvin (also called cacat Calvin) who treated me quite nice and we always stick together since the day i started school...
(which made my bf jealous... damn happy wahaha..)
And he's consider quite a gentleman cos he's very concern and stuff, not like d first impression he gave me when we're still in Muar, i tot he's another very "usual guy" with that kinda talking and stuff... but actually he's not...

And i'm pretty scared tat he'll.. in the end, like my kambing hzmte, at first treated me so well and stuff, but in the end just take me like shit! I really dun wana that to happen..

Well... he's nice and i really feel comfortable when he's around...
I cant deny that his behaviour which include concerning etc. etc. really impress me and these are things i cant get from my bf, but he dun have those important things which i wanted from a bf, so dun worry guys!

I still with my bf..

But sometimes i actually asked myself am i started to fell in love with him??

Uncertain things happened around us every moment... but still.. i'm cool with it...
Maybe i just need another companion when i cant see my dearest so often...

Did i mentioned i am a very very attached person?

Yup.

When my bf is not beside me for quite a long time...
I'll find another person to replace the emptiness i felt...

Which, i think i very very dangerous !!

I am very aware of the shit i am doing... but i just cant help it...

There are so many mistake i am doing and yet i am still doing it...

I wanna be free!!!!!!!!

Free from guilty free from depression free from emptiness .....

Actually i'm just scare to be alone... Hell i am really scare to feel lonely... I'll go insane for sure...

I need lots and lots of attention...

<>p/s: Pek mei actually reading my blog huh?! (WTF?) her fren msg me in friendster asking me to joing their band... still considering... cos joining a bunch of stranger...

Izzit safe?